11.22.09 - Authentic Dutch Family Weekend

11.19-22.09 – Enschede, Best and Eindhoven, Authentic Dutch Family Weekend

For a few weeks now a sentiment of fulfillment from my abroad experience has been growing. Everything that I have ever dreamed of seeing I have seen. Almost all places that I had wished to visit I have ventured to. And almost all the people who I have wanted to visit around Europe and Israel I have visited. Now I am not, and probably will never, admit to ‘homesickness’; but, some of the intricacies of home, or a ‘home’ environment, I have been longing for recently. That’s why this past weekend was so crucial. This past weekend I had an authentic Dutch home weekend with my friends Jonas, Stan and their family.

I met Jonas and Stan this past summer at our family friend, the Oppenheim’s, house. The connection is that Sara Oppenheim did an exchange program in Holland at Jonas and Stan’s mothers’ house, and Jonas and Stan’s mother in turn visited Sara in the states. Since then, the three women have remained in touch and done periodic visits to each other’s homes. Their children have also done visits and become friends, thus how I joined the mix. So knowing that I was going to be studying in the Netherlands I made an emphasis to remain in contact with Jonas and Stan, and so …. the weekend.

Thursday afternoon I Eu-railed from Maastricht to Enschede, with one transfer in Utrecht. Enschede, a northern Dutch city, is where Jonas is attending university. He is in his first year of study. Jonas picked me up from the train station, after my almost 4 hour journey, with his fitz, his bicycle. Obviously being only room for one on the fitz, I proceeded to sit, straddled on the back metal, just above the back wheel. This experience, along with many others occurring this weekend, was a first for me. After a sum what uncomfortable fitz ride back to his house, I dropped my stuff and we killed some time by catching up and reacquainting until his friends were ready to go out. Around ten we started the night by meeting up with his friends Eric, Ellen and a few others for a few drinks in one of their houses on campus. Although it was night it was nice to see a Dutch campus. Apparently Enschede is the only Dutch university with a campus feeling, versus a city one. After hanging out, we headed into the center city, first to a Soviet themed party at a new club called Atak and then to another place off of the main square. Going out to the bars and dance clubs gave me an opportunity to show my skills in the solitary bouncing that is Dutch dancing. I stuck mostly with Jonas and his friend Eric throughout the night. We made it out pretty late and had a great time – especially Jonas.

Friday morning Jonas and Eric had a 7:30 mathematics type class; I slept until 11. After waking, Jonas and I ate some quick dinner in his kitchen and then met up with Eric for a quick sit in the city center. It was at this quick sit that I realized that almost all Dutch city centers have relatively unused old and beautiful churches, usually gothic in design, at the core and a fairly bustling with shoppers plaza around it – especially on a Friday midday. I am still somewhat uncertain what people do for a living in Holland. From the short sit the three of us fitz-ed (yes I am making the noun for bicycle into a verb, like biked) back to Jonas’s place for our midday departure back to Eindhoven (Eric’s home) and Best (Jonas’s home). It was my first car ride since my trip to the airport back in August before I left for Maastricht. I really missed sitting in the back of the car, gazing out of the window, especially these Dutch pastures and landscapes, and just not needing to worry about public transportation issues like train transfers, luggage confusion on planes or enough seats on the bus for the elderly.

Once in Best, after dropping Eric off at the train station, we arrived at Jonas’ home. Unlike the in The States, most European students who live away from home for university, especially in their first two years, go home each weekend in order to see their families, get nice cooked meals, do laundry and relax. This is partially feasible because they do most of their partying during the week, whereas in colleges in the US partying is a weekend thing. Also to note, in Europe a town is called a village. Around the afternoon Stan came over for the weekend, and that evening we had a wonderful family dinner. Dinner, like all meals throughout the weekend, was vegetarian style, and was also my first home cooked, Mama’s cooking, meal since I had left in August too. Kibbutz food in Israel doesn’t count because there isn’t the same TLC invested in it. After dinner Jonas, Stan and I went to the movies to see 2012,my first time in a movie theater since the summer too.

Please allow me to reflect on this movie: The plot is about the world coming to the end and civilization needing to save the human race. It involves many difficult decisions on the part of world leadership, graphic computerized imagery of whole cities and continents suffering unimaginable natural disasters and catastrophe, and of course the personal story of a family trying to survive together. A true Hollywood film. Although entertaining, it was a little too intense for the start of my weekend for one main reason: Thoughts. I can handle the drama, sure my seat’s armrests are now scented with my hand’s clamminess, and yeah so I almost teared up at the end, but the whole concept of the world ending plays directly into the introspection that I have engaged in throughout my abroad experiences. Just to clarify, I by no means think the world is going to end, but the holistic outlook on the issue of a world ending correlates directly with themes of how you live your life and more cliché but true living everyday like it is your last. Also to clarify, I do not sit abroad and ponder ideas for afternoons on end. Most of the time my reflection has occurred while traveling for hours between cities alone.

While being abroad, a major realization for me, has been the idea that not only is life too short but spending it with those you care most about is of the greatest importance. That’s it. PERIOD. Although these are messages that my grandparents and especially my father have been drilling into my head since my conception, they never really registered until this semester, and were confirmed of late, especially with my seeing 2012. If you knew the world would end would you do things differently in your life? Would you change your actions? Would you quit the daily routine for the bucket list on your wall? Would you treat family and friends differently? Spend more time or less? Go on adventures, try to save the world or disregard all reality for utopian lifestyles? As humans, especially Americans, do we truly maximize our existence on earth? What does this maximization mean? Is working the 70 hour work week to hopefully make it beyond the first round of 6 figures worth it? Do we need to take our massive SUVs on our massive highways to our massive grocery stores to purchase our massive quantities of food in order to have it sit in our massive homes for massive amounts of time? Sure an exaggeration, and trust me I do love my standard of living in Teaneck and in Allentown, but does taking your fitz on occasion to the local store, or a stroll with a buddy really detract from efficiency, productivity, and success or does it increase standard of living by encapsulating something that cannot inquire a cost, but rather just an intangible benefit?

I have been asked many times what the biggest difference between Europe and the US is and at first I thought of competition but I have hammered it out to choices of lifestyle, and one thing the Europeans CURRENTLY do better is smell the roses. Disregard all potential for deficit, socialism, immigrant problems, healthcare quality, and a lack of incentive in the education or work worlds. If you look at the daily lives of the average European, most you will find have a less stressed, more time filled, and more enjoyable life. Now it doesn’t mean that they have the same options or satisfactions as we Americans. Nor do they get themselves involved in half the things we do. And remember, the US is founded on a Protestant work ethics and on immigrants who, regardless of their generation of arrival to the Golda Medina, started with nothing and had to work in the sweatshops, or as the public servicemen, to provide for their families, and hope that three generations later their work would pay off by their kids going to college and becoming settled, middle class Americans. The US is founded on opportunity, and still is, regardless of Bush disasters. That is our legacy and therefore our lives in the States. We seize opportunity, imagine the next breakthroughs, compete for the top rung on the ladder, and live the life to Keep up with the Jones.

The modern European continent is attempting to found itself on peaceful coexistence, a stark and direct contrast to its thousands of years of war torn life. So you have to imagine that if a wide range of standards of living and inequality, whether spurred by shear competition / capitalism (you choose the term) or not, would occur in Europe, there certainly would be severe unrest. So they choose for the alternative, which is a leveling out of society. But with that level of living, Europeans, although you cannot tangibly or financially measure it because no accurate or legitimate indicators or statistics portray such data, experience greater, on average, happiness than Americans. Like I said, you have disregard all potential for the socialist state to go under. But you can’t tell me that job security, extended maternity leave, free health care, highly subsidized education, clean cities, well maintained roads and public transportation, double as many vacation days and social programs such as pensions to protect you in your old age, doesn’t guarantee a lot fewer stresses. Although my family is unique, we have to pay private school tuition and health insurance, are never sure when we will lose our jobs, and our streets look like crap, transportation is dirtier than in Europe (I realize theirs is newer) and need to manage our own 401ks, which got slammed in the economic recession.

So what I have taken from this, and is reflected by my thought-provoked reaction to 2012 is that as Americans, we need to continue to work hard, and I will be the first to join that band-wagon. Few can look at me and believe that I am not actually a work-o-holic. I am proud of my patriotism and protestant work ethic. And I would never move to Europe for the benefits of their preferred “standard of living”. America is, and will also be, as long as conservative rightists to turn our land of opportunity and freedoms in a coal burning, big business, religious infused, isolationist, emperor of nothingness. But, with all that said of my nationalism, we Americans need to do a much much much better job of smelling the roses, especially with those we care for most. Because if the world was to end tomorrow, or on December 21st, 2012, I, personally, don’t want to sit back and say that I wish I spent more time with my family and friends. I much rather have that lived my life to that maximum, balanced my work and play, certainly prepared for my future and thrived off of my work, but lived my life enough to feel like I have done my best. And that has to start with time with the ones you love. Europeans always joke that they work to live, whereas Americans live to work. I want to change that!

….so that was Friday night. Saturday morning we woke up around noon, grabbed a quick bite and then went for some soccer with Jonas’s friend Thijs (‘Tise’). The four of us (Jonas, Stan, Thijs and myself) played a half field version of a soccer game for a few hours. The field was nestled into the backyards, pastures and side streets of the local village. As we kicked the ball around we saw people walking with families, dogs jogging by, and cows and horses roaming their fields. Although it was the typical hazy and cloudy Dutch sky, it was still the typical picturesque Netherlands with its autumn leaves, endless fields, small brick and slate-roofed homes. Very calming. And the first time that I played an organized sports game since the beginning of the semester.

As it got dark we returned to Jonas’s house for some pizza dinner. First time I ever tried tuna pizza. It had a somewhat fishy taste. In the evening Jonas organized a game of Texas Hold’em with his friends. So for almost four hours we sat around the dining room table, six of us – Jonas, Stan, Thijs, myself, and Thomas and Aron (2 more friends) – gambling it up. Despite the few players who bought back in, I was fortunate with a few good hands and strategic plays and eventually I beat Jonas in a head to head final. It was just 2 euro buy in so I came away with my train ticket money. Don’t worry I returned the buy-ins to Jonas and Stan when they weren’t looking. Upon victory I jokingly said to Jonas’s parents that I was going to report to my Muhlenberg class back in Maastricht that the capitalist American took all the Europeans money – which I did to the uproar of my class. It was a really fun night and boy was I dealing, especially for my first time since I can remember!

Sunday morning was another late wake up. We grabbed some breakfast/lunch and then headed out for some bowling. Stan, Jonas and I put in about three games, a little over an hour, at the local Best alleys. It was the disco bowling with the stringed pins. Lots of fun. My high score was a 140, not so bad for being seriously out of practice and it also being the first time I had bowled since the summer. After bowling we returned for an early Sunday evening dinner and then Jonas, Stan and I went to the train to go back to our respective schools.

The weekend was perfect. Initially I had hopes for Spain, but couldn’t find anyone to venture with, but when Jonas said this weekend worked I couldn’t reject the offer. During a time when I have been pining for a home atmosphere the most, I couldn’t have asked for a more homey feeling than I received at Jonas’s house. His Mom, Marian Alkemade, and Dad, Han van den Bogaard, (married – just different names) could not have been more welcoming and hospitable. They even gave me a small Sinter Claus present. And we did normal things! No touring the ruins, running to museums or wandering with city maps. Instaed the tourist highlights were TV, video games, movies, soccer, poker and bowling. Just average kid day to day stuff. And oh how I missed that. I am hoping that the weekend will be a springboard to propel me with good spirits for the rest of the semester.

My only hope that remains is the Jonas, Stan their families, and even some of their friends, especially Eric and Thijs, can come to America and visit me, ideally while I am still living in my fraternity house, so I can reciprocate their open gesture and memorable experience.